I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
