smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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