She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
