Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
