you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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