Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
