Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
