grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
