I am spending my child support on dildos
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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