btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
