So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize