You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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