just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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