Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
