they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
