Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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