ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
