Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i died would you start the facebook group?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize