I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
