Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
