I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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