just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
