This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
