hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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