oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
