I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
