never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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