I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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