Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
