remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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