i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
