hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
