I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
