i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
