dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
