If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
