I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
