I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
