i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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