bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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