The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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