Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
