Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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