i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
