meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize