He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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