I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
