Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
