something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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