it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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