im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
