It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
