im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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