I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
