Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
