just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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