OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
