if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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