I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
