I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
