She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
