There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
