Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
