She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
