Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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